Intermediate English Quiz
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Question 1 of 10
What word is missing from this joke?
A doctor went into a restaurant and noticed that the waitress kept scratching her hands.
“Do you have eczema?” asked the doctor.
“If it’s not on the ____________, we haven’t got it,” said the waitress.Correct
Off to a good start!Incorrect
Not the best of starts….
Question 2 of 10
Which cartoon matches the joke?
A headmaster went into a shop and bought a bag of mothballs. In the afternoon he went back and bought another bag of moth-balls.
“Do you need so many?” asked the shop assistant.
“I’ve been throwing them at the moths all morning,” said the headmaster, “and I’ve only hit one.”Correct
Question 3 of 10
Can you match the first and second parts of the jokes?
- “Cut him in half and count the rings.”
- Little girl: Two hundred and sixty five, why?
- “Who put olive oil on my rope?”
- “No, tomorrow I’ll take some worms.”
“How do you find the age of a horse?” “I don’t know.”
Mother: How many times have I told you to wipe your feet before you come into the house?
“What were Tarzan’s last words?”
I went fishing with my wife yesterday.” “Did you catch a lot of fish?”
Question 4 of 10
Can you put the following joke in the correct order?
A headmaster had always wanted to be a scientist. So one day he spoke to the science teacher about an experiment he had done.
“I have discovered,” said the headmaster, “that a spider’s ears are on his legs.”
“Why do you think that?” asked the science teacher.
“Well,” said the headmaster, “I took a spider, put him on the table and shouted ‘run!’ and he did!
The next day I took the same spider and I pulled all his legs off.
When I shouted ‘run!’, he didn’t move!”
Not easy, are they?
Question 5 of 10
What phrase is missing from this joke?
“Doctor, my husband keeps thinking he’s a parking meter.”
“Why can’t he ____________?” asked the doctor.
“He would,” said the woman, “but he’s got a mouthful of coins.”Correct
Tricky one there…
Question 6 of 10
Listen to this joke. What is the punchline? (Last line of the joke?)Correct
Maybe wash your ears out before the next listening question? 🙂
Question 7 of 10
What’s the missing word in this joke?
“Will television ever replace ____________?”
“No, it won’t. Have you ever tried to kill flies with a television?”Correct
Einstein would be jealous of your intelligence.Incorrect
Oh dear…. perhaps next time.
Question 8 of 10
What is the correct order of this joke?
A policeman saw a headmaster walking along the road with a penguin.
“Where did you get that penguin?” asked the policeman.
“I found him,” said the headmaster.
“Take him to the zoo immediately!” said the policeman.
“Okay,” replied the headmaster.
The next day the policeman saw the same headmaster with the penguin.
“I told you to take that penguin to the zoo yesterday,” said the policeman.
“I did,” said the headmaster. “He liked it and I'm taking him to the cinema today.”
You’re pretty good at this.Incorrect
Oh well, there are still two more questions…
Question 9 of 10
Can you match up the punchlines?
- Winston Churchill: Madam, if I were your husband, I’d drink it.
- Woman: But, Barry, I am your wife!
- Winston Churchill: And you’re ugly; but tomorrow I’ll be sober.
- Friend: I would kick his dog and break his white stick.
Angry woman: If I were your wife, I’d put poison in your tea.
Man: Oh, Helen, you’ve got to help me. My wife doesn’t understand me.
Winston Churchill was at a party and he had had too much to drink. Woman: Winston, you’re drunk!
Man: (in pub) What would you do if you caught another man in bed with your wife?
When they gave out brains, you were at the front of the queue!Incorrect
Not easy, is it?
Question 10 of 10
What is the punchline of this joke?Correct
What good ears you have!Incorrect
What a shame – and it was the last question…